How do you keep the music going?

I was listening to Tony Bennett’s recording of “How do you keep the music going?”

Losing someone you love is never easy, whether through a break up, divorce or more permanently death, it makes certain dates and holidays difficult to bear. Life in general will never be the same, some things will change forever and yet others will remain the same in other ways.

Getting through a holiday specifically Mother’s Day for me this year; this being the first year after her loss, is harder than I thought it would be.

Mainly because one has to figure out how to celebrate or memorialize a special day, while going through fresh feelings of grief. Especially since Mother’s Day was such an important day in my Viejita’s life.

I know any loss requires one to grieve and what we’re feeling are the raw emotions of a broken heart. A hurt that is unlike any type of pain we can physically endure. So don’t expect to function as you would with say, a broken ankle.

I’ve had a broken ankle and anytime I would try walking on it - without a crutch made my ankle pain that much worse. The fracture and surrounding bones were weaker and compromised. So when we’ve lost someone we have a broken heart. Essentially it means that we are going through a "compromised emotional state."

We tend to just go through the motions – with an over whelming sense of numbness. Maybe life numbs us on purpose. We’re numb enough to get through the pain and help us process the realities of our loss. So that in time we slowly become more used to the loss and are better prepared to deal with our pain.

I am certain that each year on the anniversary of our loss we will feel our deep loss… and also a fresh sense of grief. Yet it will be less painful as time goes by, but time it will take. I’ve read that we should expect to grieve for at least a year although some people need even more time.

Our loved one would want us to get through the day as best as we can. We have to decide to try not to think about them as much, for that's probably what they would want us to do. Also try and stay away from doing the activities that you always shared with your loved one.

Losing a loved one is the worse thing you and I will ever go through. It will take us a surprisingly long period of time to really get over the loss. Holidays and special dates are going to be the hardest but just know that this day will pass. You’ll wake up the next day to realize that it was just 24 hours... and it is now behind you.

So, keep things simple. Do things differently. Stay away from things that you know will make you sad. Your normal life will return soon, so be patient with yourself and know that it will take time.

Try not to spend the days and weeks leading up to a special day worrying about how you'll get through it. I am sure there was a moment when you couldn't imagine getting through losing the person you've lost and now - difficult as grieving is - you've seen that you somehow got through your actual loss.

This Mother’s Day, (today is the day it is always celebrated in Mexico) my mother will have been away for nine months. I learned a long time ago that trying to avoid thinking about the person we've recently lost will be difficult. It doesn't mean we don’t care any less. It’s taking solemn measures through our thoughts or prayers to grieve for them and keep them in our hearts. To thank them and be grateful for their love and memories forever.

To anyone who is going through a loss and dealing with a broken heart, keep in mind that your loved one would want you to do whatever it takes to get yourself through this, and through this day with as little pain as possible.

They do not have to get through the day the way we are doing. I like to imagine what we would want for our loved ones (if they had survived us), and let that be our guide.

Make the best of this dia!

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