I was speaking to a recently divorced friend who was complaining about his current single life.

"I've asked three women out on dates recently and have been shot down all three times, and you know the definition of insanity."

He was exasperated.

I wanted to be helpful but I also didn't agree with my friend's analogy.

The definition of insanity doesn't have anything to do with dating.

If your aim is to met someone than it's important to keep socializing.

It is vital to ask people out for dates because like a lot of things we do, it too require some repetition and are quite sane.

The actual meaning goes something like, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." 

I told him that there was a big difference between his definition and what was really going on.  

Was he unconsciously repeating past conflicts in an attempt at mastering them?

Sometimes we sabatoge ourselves,

We unwisely choose to finish unfinished business.

We will go out and re-create old, unresolved problems for the potential of a better outcome. 

Much like a child who desired closeness with his emotionally unavailable mother, who throughout his adult life will seek out unavailable women.

All my friend was doing was trying to finally conquer some of his old feelings of rejection.

But even if he succeeded, it wouldn't erase the pain from the divorce or his past.

He listened intently seeing where I was going with it - and the cup of wine was making the experience a bit more palatable.

I told him that by repeating the same constructive behavior over and over, hoping one day for a positive result was both difficult but admirable.

It's like the efforts we all make each morning of doing all th eright things; eating oatmeal, flossing our teeth after every meal and our daily walk or workout. 

It's taking it "one day at a time."

It's about persevering, about being consist and doing things over and over, but definitely not in an insane way.

It is about doing the same thing every day, although with some measure of progress.

One of the ways will feel hopeless, helpless and unsatisfying.

Where you will get so discouraged you would rather stop, but you can't or it doesn't feel like an option.

The other way is where you feel like you are striving toward your goal,

and whether or not you end up reaching it..

there is a self -esteem pay-off in your valiant effort.

Make it a persistant and great día!

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