Dios tarda pero no olvida...

My Viejita always said, "Dios tarda pero no olvida." It more or less means that God might delay in coming to you, but he won't ever forget you. She is teaching me another lesson even though she's been gone for over a year.

Lately I have been feeling nauseas, sad, angry, and confused. The on going narco wars in Mexico have scorched my family's hearts.

The past weeks have made me take a closer and deeper look at my own religious beliefs and my Faith.  

These tragic murders have convinced me of a truth that I had always paid lip service to.

Yet now I know God is undeniable and He as real as it gets.

We are all one.

We are in this togther.

It doesn't matter what our race, creed, gender, or background happens to be, we're all one.

We might live in separate geographies or we might live in closer proximity, together... ultimately I know that death is something none of us will be able to avoid. 

Prior to Roberto's and Rodolfo's murders, my Faith in a merciful God was strong, secure and consistent and ever present.

I knew that, while at times He seemed distant, I could always count on Him to be there for me.

God has always been the one that kept my world in perfect order.

From the perfect sunrises to the beautiful sunsets and the perfect night stars in between... 

He has always been there.

He who would always provide.

He could be counted on.

But then the tragedies of July 28th and September 2nd occurred - forever searing my heart.

Faith became something I began to question and was struggling with.

The unquestionable Faith I once had was now something I was looking to piece together.

Could God be counted on in the way that I thought God could be counted on?

That's what I began to feel.

Where was my God? 

God seemed absent on these two days in Cuidad Juarez.

It is frightening, because the attributes that I had depended upon in the past, when thinking about my God, had suddenly been stripped away.

I prayed for reassurance - I prayed for my Faith.

My Viejita's voice began to remind me that I am left with nothing if I didn't have Faith.

But Faith in what?

After these violent murders I was struggling with its very foundation.

God's presence began to be much more of a mystery than He ever was.

And a mystery that was still unfolding.

Yet I am embarrassed to admit that in some ways, I believe that these painful deaths although heartbreaking are making me grow up.

Their deaths have caused me to work to redefine my own Faith.

Maybe it was all a part of a longer journey.

A destination where I needed to reach to truly grasp that which I never really believed I could grasp - the mystery of our loving God.

I understand that we will never be the same.

Still I pray that our lives can go on to find meaning and purpose.

Today I ask you to please pray for my family.

That we can grieve and heal and all find acceptance and hope!

Dios tarda pero no olvida.

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