Letter to a sicario.















I've written about the violence in Cuidad Juarez, today I write again because a loved one has disappeared. This is an open letter to his kidnapper.

I wonder how it feels to live a paranoid existance?


I wonder how you feel that your family is eating from spoils bought with someone's blood?


What races through your mind each time you see someone in uniform?


What sort of anguish eats at the pit of your stomach when you see the PFP or the Army or Navy soldiers?


The nightmares you must have when you sleep as the faces of all the innocent people you've killed come to pay you a visit.


The paranoia you must feel when you go to supermarket, the movies and even taking your children to their schools?


Surely you don't believe that bullets respect all of your fine clothes, trucks or your expensive neck chains that you wear?


When you look in the mirror each day do you see a man or a beast that has their days numbered?


When you fall asleep do you wonder if you will wake up in the same bed or on the cold gurney in a morgue?


How old are you? 40? 30? 20?

How long do you think you can continue to live like this?


How does it feel to live the life of a parasite, the ephemeral life of a microbe that lives only to take without giving anything in return?

To know that the only sign of life within is that you're still able to breathe.

To question whether there will come a day when your life has meaning.


To know deep inside that all you have or what you've worked at is not your own.

To know that you're working for your replacement, who is sure to be there to take your place soon.


I feel deep sorrow for you, your life has no semblence of living and no real meaning.


I should hate you or wish you a painful death but I can't because you are the walking dead.


You always are fighting amongst yourselves and with the authorities and in a bloody war over with the rightful owners of Mexico - the people.

Yet you must know that your fight is worthless, because the territories that you've fought over is already allocated to someone else.


So live and sleep in luxury tonight, all the fruits of your kidnappings, murders and the drugs you've sold.

But I am sure that you'll end up drowning in your own blood and defecating in your pants on some out of the way dirt road.


You end up dying like a lone cornered animal, howling and groveling for the last few seconds of the life you have.


All that will be left is the sweat that gets in your eyes and sense of terror carved in your soul.


The overwhelming fear that gets caught in your throat and the agonizing screams as the piercing hot bullets begin to enter your putrid body.


The only photographs everyone sees are those final graphic ones.


And society always says the same thing about you, that you died just like the animals that you were.


Suffocating between pain and tears, I've heard that more than one of you remembers God and asks for forgiveness.


But as you lay there dying and gasping for the little bit of air that can squeeze through your gurgling blood you have an epiphany... but its too late.

There is only one place to go to next and that is to hell.


Forever forgotten into oblivion, your wife and family ends up worse than before for they too are now condemned to live in social exile.


Many of us in Mexico might have little to eat and no money for even the most basic of things yet in comparison with you, we are all rich.


Because we continue to live with our loved ones, sleep and eat when and where we want, keep going to church, movie theaters, the supermarkets, and the neighborhood parks without looking over our shoulders for the police or the soldiers... but more importantly we all continue to enjoy the company of our loved ones.


We are able to enjoy our birthdays and holidays and we are able to freely enjoy the food, the music, the dancing and the joy of celebrating with our loved ones.


I never, never thought I would thank you, but because of you every Mexican is increasingly coming together.


Joining a united front against this huge drug war and against each of you... in record numbers.


We will continue to defy you, to fight you, and we will report you, we will continue to call you on it.

We know where you live, where you eat, the cars and trucks that you drive, we know your friends and who you like to hang out with... we even know who your children, wives and families are.


You are incredibly ignorant to believe that you are somehow untouchable.


You, your falcons, regional commanders, territory chiefs, other sicarios and kidnappers and all of your entire organizations will one day face the ultimate justice.

That is the only thing that we can guarantee.

Rodolfo was kidnapped in broad day light at an intersection as he made his way to his office a few days ago. The ransom has been paid. We're praying that he is returned to his loved ones. Praying for his safe release.

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